I was in Love….

Photo by Bethany Brown

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13

I was in love.

Well, I thought it was love anyway.

It was the start of my sophomore year of high school, I was looking and feeling way better than I did my freshman year (Anyone else’s awkward preteen years stretch into the early teen years? No? Too bad…) and I just knew that this was going to be THE year…the year that I finally got the guy.

So who was the guy? He was the one who my made heart flutter every time I saw him walking down the hall (in my direction, or just up ahead…it didn’t seem to make a difference to my heart); the one whose schedule, at least by week three, I had mostly figured out so that I could make sure that, wherever possible, my route matched his; the same one that at least three of my other girl friends were also in love with; but mostly, he was the one that needed me.

You like how I twisted that little scenario?

You see, he and I, we sort of had a history. Well, our families had a history…we went “way back” as they say. His family had been marked by a tragedy years before (which is another story entirely) and it directly impacted my family. Because of that relationship, my heart needed to fix his heart. And it didn’t hurt that I found him to be incredibly good looking!

Now I don’t know about you, but for me there was always an anxious excitement that surrounded the start of a new school year. At my high school, we were in four longer classes a day for the fall semester and then four different classes for the spring semester. Depending on the subject, you could be in a room full of students of the same gender or the same grade or a complete mash-up of all genders and grades. That unknown was always a thrill for me, so couple that with the strange increase in my self-confidence that tenth-grade year and I was just really excited for school to start back!

But when that first day arrived, I had worked it up so much in my mind that I had become a nervous wreck. My tummy was turning in circles! I remember being in the shower that morning just pouring my heart out to God. I told Him everything that I was feeling. He already knew, but it felt good to get it out. I told Him the desires of my heart. He already knew, but it is so nice to have a confidante.

I’ll never forget what happened: as clear as day, right there in the shower, I heard the words, “I know the plans I have for you. I KNOW the plans I have for you! I know the plans I have for YOU!”

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them.
Psalm 139:16

My God knew all that I felt, the good and the bad. Even more than that, He went before me. He wrote my days out before anyone else even knew of my existence.  He had a perfect plan and I needn’t worry anymore.

I was thrilled and petrified all at the same time to find that my love was in one of my classes that semester. It only fed my expectation that this was my year to snag him! But for every day that passed without so much as an acknowledgment from him, for every one of his absences when he never asked me what he missed out on, and for every group project that he didn’t ask me to join…my hope began deflating.

I will have you know that I graduated from high school without ever going on a date with that guy. He never even asked. But he did teach me something.

I WAS in love…with Jesus.

He lets me know I’m loved every day of my life in one way or another. He is NEVER absent! And He wants to be included in every single teeny tiny part of my existence. He always fills in the gaps where I feel like I’m lacking and He has brought just the right people that I need into my life (including an absolutely wonderful man whom I am blessed to claim as my husband).

As this school year begins, can you trust Him with your relationships (friends, acquaintances, romances)? I challenge you to fall in love with Him so that you can fall in love with all the things about you that He created. And as for the rest? Don’t worry! He’s got a plan.

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